


Chill

by Awakening5



Series: In a Galaxy Not So Far Away [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Netflix and Chill, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:56:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awakening5/pseuds/Awakening5
Summary: "Finn, why don't we ever just Netflix and Chill?" she asks, like it's not the biggest question to have ever been asked in the history of the world, ever.Or the shameless smut hiding behind a Friends to Lovers or Friends with Benefits trope.





	1. Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> I was struggling to write my latest chapter of A New Order, and I wrote this when I couldn't write that. Whatever. Take it.

It's another one of those perfect nights. Rey came over a couple hours ago, and we decided to finally start that show everyone keeps telling us about. My couch is comfy and spacious, but throughout the night, she ended up in my arms because American Horror Story can be terrifying and we both needed to hold on to somebody.

Never mind that I would love to hold her in my arms regardless of the genre of our latest binge. I'll take whatever I can get.

Rey and I have a...complicated relationship. Namely, I'm madly in love with her, but I'm her best friend. And I've always been her best friend. And there's nothing wrong with loving your best friend, but taking the step from friend to more is terrifying and almost impossible.

Because you almost have to _know_ how they're going to respond before you ask for more. I've considered this many times for many hours, so believe me. I know. Let's say I just blurt out, "Rey, I think we should go out." That's great if she agrees, but if she doesn't, then what does that do to us?

I have no doubt our friendship would survive it. I also have no doubt our friendship would be forever changed. And I don't want that. I don't want that one bit. Rey's got my back for everything, and I've got hers. She's the first person I call after I get a good grade on a test, or when I got into my program last fall. She's also the only person who will call me on my crap, and the only person whose opinion could make me rethink mine. I respect her drive and altruistic nature despite a hellish upbringing, and I trust her with my life despite mine. I'm the first number on her favorites list. First to be called when she's sick, or when she gets some crappy family news. I'm also the first person she tells about her good news, like when she finally quit that shitty job at the junkyard with the trash blob-fish of a boss Plutt. My words, and now hers.

How can I risk that closeness and friendship just because she also happens to be the most beautiful woman I know, with the most temptingly kissable lips and seductive smile? How can I throw it away, even if it means giving up the chance to worship her body in ways I know no one else could ever do? I bring up the physical because I'm fairly certain nothing else about our relationship would change if we entered into a proper romantic involvement.

And herein lies the problem. I can't know how Rey truly feels about me because there are no hints left to give outside of open declaration of feelings. People are surprised to learn we're _not_ together, because we do everything together. We shop using the same shopping cart, walking arm in arm through the grocery store arguing about which ice cream will go best with the brownies. Ice cream and brownies that follow the dinner that we make together, and for each other. We've fallen asleep together, on this very couch we now watch Netflix from, and woken the next morning unable to determine whose limbs are whose, without any real embarrassment or concern. We know each other's favorite coffee in the morning, and favorite comfort foods for when we are depressed. Not a day goes by where our text conversation doesn't increase by 15 texts, and our Instagram feeds have more pictures of the other than ourselves.

So, what possible hint of romantic attraction can I ascertain from a girl who has openly called my ass 'hot' and whom I repeatedly tell is the most beautiful woman on the planet? Because when there has never been a filter in our communication or actions, what can actually hold additional meaning?

The second episode of AHS comes to a close and Rey lets out a big, long exhale. I should probably release her from my hold, but as long as she's not leaning out of the embrace, I'm not ending it. The thirty second ticker begins, tempting us with the next episode. As the timer drops, Rey turns in my arms and gives me an exasperated look.

"Finn, why don't we ever just Netflix and Chill?" she asks, like it's not the biggest question to have ever been asked in the history of the world, ever.

I have to assume my reaction is absurdly comical. Eyes wide, jaw on the floor. At least, I would assume that if I was capable of any cognitive functions. I'm drawing a complete blank. There are no words, until her eyebrows knit together and she tilts her head all adorable-like. "You okay, Finn?"

"Yes," I answer immediately, voice higher than it has been since blessed puberty took it from me. But puberty taketh and puberty giveth. And it had given me thoughts and feelings about this girl in my arms that were currently unavoidable, and perhaps encouraged. "I've thought about that many, many times."

Maybe I should dial back the enthusiasm, but she brought it up, and now my mouth won't stop moving. "Like, just about every time we watch Netflix, I wonder how the Chill would be with you. And I just never thought...I never knew you thought that, too."

Rey's look of confusion grew, and my own confusion came with it. Why weren't we...chilling, already? If we both admitted to wanting it, let's get on with it. Why the confusion?

"Why do we always choose horror then?" Rey asks, and I'm rather upset that she's getting hung up on our genre choice instead of the fact that best friends of seven years just admitted to wanting each other.

"I guess you're right," I say slowly, letting my eyes drift to her lips in anticipation. "I suppose there are better genres to watch to set the mood."

Rey huffed and turned back around in my arms as the next episode got going. "Yes, because I never feel chill. I'm always so tense."

My blood runs cold, and my heart stops beating for a second. I quickly extricate myself from her, pull out my phone and pause the episode. She turns back around to face me, face upset. "Hey! We're only doing two episodes tonight? I thought we were marathoning!"

"Rey," I plead, softly and patiently. "What do you think Netflix and Chill means?"

She frowns and her confusion returns. "Like, watch Netflix and relax? Just enjoy something easy-going instead of this horror. Which we _never_ do, by the way. There's some good documentaries and stuff...what?"

My amusement over her ignorance is enough to temporarily make me forget my brief elation and terrible disappointment. My body shakes with laughter and Rey demands I explain myself.

 "Oh, sweet, wonderful, innocent Rey," I say with a smile, shaking my head in disbelief. "Netflix and Chill is a common expression for using Netflix as an excuse and/or prelude to hooking up."

The words only just left my mouth when I realized the great flaw in explaining this to her. I had already admitted to wanting to _Chill_ with her. And now, not only does she know what it means, but she knows I _very much_ know what it means, and I want it. With her.

And sure enough, her jaw drops and her eyes grow wide. Comically, I might add. Except I won't, because I'm horrified at what has just happened, not laughing. I've done it. I've put our friendship at risk. And now the only thing I can do is hope she feels the same. Because nothing will ever be the same.

"You said you've thought about it. A lot. With me." Her voice sounds far away, as if she's in disbelief. Maybe I can talk my way out of this—if she's already in disbelief, maybe I can convince her.

Time stops, and my mind races, thinking back on my careless words and if there is any sort of loophole in my phrasing that I can use to explain away the implication that I've thought about fucking my best friend daily. Just as my mind is beginning to come up with something—the etymology of the word "thought" has promise—Rey interrupts my musings.

"Finn?" she prompts, proving that time did not actually stop, but in fact continued to flow as it usually does. So, I didn't have unlimited time to think of an out, here. I guess I have to own it at this point.

Her face is no longer confused. Instead, she's looking at me so earnestly, I don't know what to think. I wish there was some hunger in her gaze, eyes flashing to my lips as some sort of hint that she might accept my admission. But no, she's just open and honest in her look, and I decide to be the same. At least partially.

"You know you're gorgeous, right?" I ask her rhetorically. I'm rewarded with a blush staining her cheeks. I let myself smile despite the world hanging in the balance right now. "I hope you don't blame me too much for letting my mind wander, especially when we're curled up together on the couch, and you smell so good, and you look up at me every once in a while with that look. You know the one, where you're nervous and clutching at my arm, but as beautiful as anything I've ever seen—"

And then her lips are on mine, cutting off my ramblings. I could have gone on for a couple more hours, of course, but her kissing me is a pleasant surprise. In fact, it's so much a surprise that I don't even kiss her back before she pulls away, and turns her face from me immediately.

"I'm sorry," she says hurriedly, tucking her hair behind her ear. The action makes me jealous. _I_ want to tuck her hair behind her ear! "You're just talking in hypotheticals, you didn't actually want—"

Now it's my turn to interrupt her. My brain finally caught up with what she did, and I'm not going to let her continue to misinterpret my intentions. Because I very much intend to kiss her until she won't let me anymore.

So I pull her face back to mine and crash my lips into hers. It's not my best kiss, frankly, because there's too much at stake here for me to kiss her properly. My thoughts are all over the place, and I just let my instincts take over. And right now, my instincts are screaming at me not to screw this up and make sure Rey _knows_ how I feel.

But after a few moments, both of us seem to calm down a bit, and the kiss turns from urgent to gentle. I ease off the pressure a little and let our lips move together. She tilts her head just right and I lift my hand to card through her hair.

I've often thought about what our first kiss would be like. I mean, we've pecked each other on the lips before—a good luck kiss before High School graduation, a quick goodbye where I aimed for her cheek but she turned her head at the last second. So, our first _real_ kiss. And I always imagined it in an uber-romantic setting. Outside, under a full moon, overlooking the valley. At a candle-lit dinner where I prepared her favorite meal, and we just sort of lean in at the same time in a form of mutual admission of feelings. And the kiss is always perfect. Sensual and passionate and loving.

This kiss isn't perfect. It started out a little rough, and though we've gotten past that part, we're still tentative and unsure about everything. But it's better than all of my imaginings, because I am kissing Rey. She's real and kissing me back, and I've got one hand gripping her waist, and the other gently skimming through her beautiful hair.

I feel myself smile against her mouth. Then she smiles, too, and we have to pull back from the kiss because smiling lips aren't the best for making out. But they are the best to look at, and the smile on Rey's face makes my stomach flip. Twice.

Fuck, she's beautiful.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time, too," she whispers, glancing down shyly.

"We should probably keep doing it, then," I say bravely, still smiling.

She looks back up at me and then reaches out to hold my face in her hands. "Yeah, good idea."

And then this kiss _is_ perfect. We're past the newness and the awkwardness of the situation. We've both shifted a little better on the couch to make it so there's no strain on our bodies. She drops her hands from my face to my chest, and I run my tongue along her bottom lip. She leans forward, pushing me gently, as she opens her mouth to me.

Gradually, I fall to my back, exploring her mouth and being rewarded with a light moan. She's laying on top of me now, and I run my hands up and down her back slowly. My body is hot with want as she's stretched all along me. I feel her breasts pressed against my chest, and her lips leave mine to run along my cheek and nip at my ear lobe. I feel myself stiffening against my pants and wonder vaguely if she can feel me.

That question is answered when she rolls her hips against mine and we both let out simultaneous moans.

She pulls back , hands on my chest once more and looks at me with the eyes of a wolf eying her prey. Her breathing is labored. "How far is this going to go?" Her voice is heavier than usual, like it's taking her great effort just to get the words out correctly.

"I stop only when you tell me to," I say, and I my voice sounds husky even to my own ears. I sound rather sexy, if I do say so myself. And Rey must agree, because she's nodding frantically now.

"I'm not going to tell you to stop, Finn."

I'm so full of want now, I can't help but growl as I grab her around the waste and flip her onto her back, so now I'm the one straddling her, kneeling on one side of her, and my leg extending over the couch to the ground on the other. I move to kiss her neck, gently sucking as I press my hips against hers. I'm good and hard, now, and I want her to feel me.

"Finn!" she gasps, extending her neck for me to kiss and bite and suck. Her hands are under the hem of my shirt, running along my bare back, skimming my scar softly. I realize for the first time I don't have to worry about the girl's reaction when she sees it or touches it. Instead, Rey knows exactly what this scar is. She was there when I got home from duty, bandaged and wheelchair bound. She was there during rehab. She was there to take my phone calls during sleepless nights and the first night I didn't wake up in pain or with nightmares. When Rey's fingers run along the raised skin of my old injury, it's intimate. Like something only she can do, and I'll only ever want her to do. It makes me pull back from her neck and breath heavily for a moment, reveling in the moment, letting the electricity of her touch shoot across my back.

She's tugging at the my shirt now, wanting to have more access to my skin. I desperately want the same, so I sit up on my knee and reach down with both hands to the hem of my shirt. I pull it upwards, and before I can ever get my head through the collar, I feel her hands on my stomach, slowly running toward my chest. My skin is hot wherever she touches, and I want her to touch everywhere before the night is done.

I toss my shirt, inside out, across the room and take a good look at Rey from atop her lap. Her hair is a mess, released from its buns and splayed out wonderfully beneath her head. Her lips are pink and swollen from our activities, her face flushed with excitement. And those eyes, a darker hazel than I've ever seen them, hungrily taking in my body. She is an angel.

"Your turn?" I ask desperately, and her eyes finally leave my chest to meet mine. She nods, and sits up so I can help her out of her shirt. My fingers flit along her bare skin as I lift her shirt up. She raises her arms, and I hold eye contact as long as I can before her shirt blocks our eye-line. Then, I let myself look down and take in her beautiful body. I think I whimper, but I'm far too distracted to take notice of my own actions.

"Finn," Rey startles me, her voice soft. Her shirt is completely off now, and I realize I've just been staring for some time. I look up at her to find her looking expectantly and nervously at me. I lean forward and kiss her deeply, soundly, while unhooking her bra in the back. I release her lips and she falls back to the couch once more.

"I didn't realize perfection was possible," I whisper. Rey scoffs, rolls her eyes, and blushes beautifully.

"Good one, Finn," she manages to say, but I can tell I've put her at ease after my staring had left her a little anxious.

I lean back down and capture her neck with my lips once more. In between kisses, I defend myself. "Just because...it's cheesy...doesn't make it...untrue."

Her skin is so soft and sweet against mine. I run my hands along her sides, gently brushing my thumbs along her breasts before moving back down. All the while, my lips reach her collarbone and I follow it down until the swell of her breast becomes too tempting to ignore any longer.

I leave hot, wet kisses down her chest, and she actually begs me to hurry up, squirming underneath me. So I end her misery and capture her left nipple in my mouth and swirl my tongue around the sensitive flesh. She arches her back when I cup her other breast in my hand and gently squeeze. I kiss and lick one hardened nipple with my mouth while softly running my thumb over the other. Then after a moment, I move my mouth to her other side and repeat the process that has her moaning my name. I would do anything to hear her say my name like that.

"Finn!" she pleads with me anew, and it makes me pull back.

"What do you want, Rey?"

"Your mouth," she says, looking at me through hooded eyes. And I know exactly what she means. I hoped I'd be able to tonight. Count it among the many things I'd fantasized about doing to Rey. My hands work furiously at her pants, unbuttoning and unzipping. She lifts her hips and I pull her pants and underwear down swiftly and effectively. They get caught briefly at her ankles, but I am far too excited to let that slow me down. She laughs as I tug almost angrily to get them off her feet.

Once the pants are completely removed, I allow myself a moment to look at the goddess under me. She is breathing heavily from my ministrations, her perfect breasts heaving up and down as she stares at me with heavy want. She has her legs together, gently rubbing them together as she squirms. She is wet, I can see, and clearly trying to alleviate some of that hunger with a slight gyration of her hips and legs.

I know I can do a much better job of satiating her. "Rey, you are so beautiful," I say before leaning right back down and peppering kisses at her hip. I let my hands slide up her legs, my thumbs gently rubbing the insides of her thighs. I can smell her arousal, and it's almost enough to make me lose all control. She's squirming underneath me desperately, and I don't have the patience to tease her anymore. I move my lips from her hip and cover her with them.

Her hiss of pleasure is the most gratifying sound I've ever heard, and I run the flat of my tongue over her in an effort to hear it again. She rolls her hips against me and her hiss turns to a desperate moan. I gently run circles on her thighs with my thumbs and duplicate the action with my tongue around the sensitive nub that currently has her gasping with pleasure.

This is everything I ever wanted, having this beautiful, powerful, brilliant woman moaning my name in pleasure. I wanted to give her the world. That was impossible, but this... _this_ I could give her. To make her forget everything else in the world existed was a round-about way of giving it to her.

I nudge her legs further apart, opening her to my mouth even better. I suck on her, and her breaths are fast and full. I lick slowly and give her time to catch her breath, her fingers running through my hair. I can feel her fingernails on my scalp, and it's unbelievably erotic. I'm painfully hard against my pants, but I don't care right now, because she's close.

I bring my hand up and press a finger into her.

"Fuck, Finn!" she literally screams, arching her back. I pulse my finger inside of her, amazed at the wetness and heat there. I add a second finger and quicken my pace, bringing my tongue back down, this time flicking her bundle of nerves. She's right on the edge, and I briefly consider backing off and extending this a while longer, but I can't resist. I curl my fingers inside her and give one more suck.

She lets out a beautiful scream, crashing down around my fingers. I still my mouth as she clenches her legs around my head so tightly I'm concerned I might get a headache. She has very powerful legs, after all. It'll be totally worth it, as she rides her orgasm out against my finger, which I gently pulse inside of her with the roll of her hips. Her scream turns into soft pants, alternating between "Finn" and "Fuck." I feel myself smile against her, still caught between her legs.

After a moment, she relaxes around me, and I lift myself from that blessed position and smile at her. She looks utterly spent, breathing deeply on her back, smiling softly back at me. "That was the most incredible thing I've ever felt in my life," she tells me breathily.

"But the night is young," I tease, and she leans up to kiss me. She moans as she tastes herself on my lips, and then she's reaching for my waistline.

Getting me out of my pants is an adventure. I'm so hard and sensitive that not only is pulling my pants down difficult, but I'm concerned I'm going to come just from her hand sliding over me in the act. I don't, fortunately, but then she wraps her hand around me and I see that look in her eyes.

It's a miracle I haven't already made a mess, but I still her hand and take some deep breaths before trying to temporarily distract her with another kiss. It works for a moment before she starts to stroke me again between our bodies, both half-kneeling, half-sitting on the couch, facing one another.

This is something out of a dream. She's so beautiful, face scrunched up in concentration as she studies me, eyes darting back and forth between my eyes and where she's holding me tightly. But there's heat returning to her gaze, too. My pleasure is creating an arousal in her, and the thought makes me lean in and kiss her deeply. She returns the kiss, and her movements slow this time, and that's fine. I just want to touch her. So I reach out and run my hands along her arms, her body, her face, through her hair. She angles her face so I can slide my tongue easily into her mouth and slowly glide it along hers.

She's starting to move her body now, rocking it, and I know her arousal is building. But suddenly, she pulls back, and she looks almost upset with herself. Her focus returns to me in her hand, and she begins pumping in earnest. I let myself chuckle with both pride that I got her to forget it was her turn to get me off, and appreciation that she remembered.

I'm groaning and I don't even care. She's so perfect, the way her calloused hand feels as it gently strokes me. She rubs her thumb over me, spreading the natural fluid and sending shockwaves of pleasure through my body. I focus on my breathing and the moment, so amazed that this is _Rey_ 's hand wrapped around me. That my best friend is about to bring me to orgasm. I want to tell her I love her, like I have dozens and dozens of times before. But I know it would mean something else right now, in this moment. So I say something else instead.

"Rey, stop."

My voice is strained, and she looks at me in surprise. "Am I doing something wrong?" She sounds worried now.

I laugh despite myself. "No! Fuck, you're doing it too right. I don't want to fin—that is, I, I wanted to..."

I trail off, but my eyes travel downwards and back up to her eyes, and she understands. A smile slowly forms on her face, and she nods. "Me too."

And she gently pushes me backwards so I'm sitting, and she crawls forward until she's straddling my lap. Then, concentrating at where we are to join, she slowly eases onto me, guiding me with her hand.

"Fuuuuuck," we both moan together and wrap ourselves in a tight hug. She stills, surrounding me. I'm buried as deep in her as possible. She's so hot and tight around me, I'm grateful she's not moving or this would already be over. I've got a vice-grip at her waist, and I know I'm going to leave red marks where my fingers are digging into her, but she feels so good, and I need to freeze this moment and live it forever.

Gradually, she adjusts to me and I gain a little control over myself, and she starts to rock in my lap. I'm kissing her neck, meeting her thrusts with my own, and whispering _something_ about how Aphrodite's got nothing on her. She laughs at me.

"Finn, don't be so cheesy." Her voice is breathless, so I don't buy for a second that she doesn't love how sappy I am.

I cup her backside in my hands as I roll my hips, squeezing her and feeling her gorgeous body. "I don't care how cheesy it is," I admit. "There are no words, no description for how incredible you are." I dive back into her neck and trace wet, sloppy kisses up to her jaw line. She lifts her head high in the air, and she moans with each rock of her body.

"You're not so bad yours—Finn!" I suck a little too hard on her neck, and we both know she's going to have visible proof of what happened here tonight. Good.

"Sorry," I say without meaning it. I'm sure my voice can't express much beyond pure ecstasy at this point anyway. "You can't expect me to think clearly right now, right Rey? This is kind of a out of body experience for me"

"This is certainly an in-my-body experience for me," Rey jokes with an extra bounce in her thrust, and it's the deepest I've been inside her since we joined. Both of our eyes widen in pleasure, and we seem to simultaneously decide to stop talking.

At least, after I tell her, "That was a terrible joke, Rey." Then I shift back  up onto my knees and she wraps her powerful thighs around mine. Her arms are around my neck, and I hold her lower back to more easily get deep inside her again. We pause for just a moment, as if we know this will be the last moment to really look at each other and think about what's happening. Slowly, I smile up at her, and she smiles back down at me, almost bashfully. The absurdity of being shy after all that's taken place.

But then she's lifting herself and dropping back on to me. And I'm raising my hips to meet her each time. I kiss her breasts hungrily in front of my face, though I'm sloppy and unfocused because she feels so, so good. And I can't help the moans that leave my mouth as my breath quickens. It seems to spur her on, and we speed up our intensity. She's so soft in my arms, under my hands, with a delightful sheen making her skin glow. She feels like liquid and sunlight in my embrace. And the pressure is building.

But I'm not ready for this to end yet. It's nothing and everything like I always dreamed it would be, and the small part of me that is capable of thought is terrified of what is going to happen once this is over. Friends don't just come back from this. What we were is now dead, and the second I come, we're going to have to face the consequences.

But I am human, and I know I'm close. My stomach is tightening, and I can feel my movements becoming less steady as my instincts take over. "Rey, I'm going to—"

"Good," she breathes. "Please."

I'm not sure she's thinking clearly. Maybe she's on birth control, I don't know. But I'm not thinking clearly, either, so I just trust she knows what she's asking of me. One thing I do know, however, is I want her to come, too. So I reach between us as the pressure is building and try to help her to the edge. The way she's clutching at me, scratching my back, makes me think she's almost there. I wait as long as I can before releasing inside of her with a wild thrust and a growl. And with one more thrust, she follows after me, tightening around me and letting out a light scream once again.

Our bodies each rock and spasm a pair of times, and we match audible gasps. She's gripping my shoulders so tightly, I'll have scratches to rival the love mark I left on her neck. My arms are wrapped around her back, and for a brief moment I wonder if we'll die like this because I'm never letting go.

And so we stay like that, her in my lap, sweat covering our naked bodies, breathing heavily into the silent night. I slowly soften and slide out of her, and she lets out a sigh of disappointment when I do. Slowly, we shift so she's sitting across my lap instead of straddling it. She presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and then the silence becomes obvious and unavoidable. One of us has to fill it eventually. So I do, with the only thing I can think of.

"And now you know what Netflix and Chill is."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might end here. There's enough there to believe they just get together, right?
> 
> Or, this might turn into a friends with benefits thing. Thoughts?


	2. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I ended up running with this fic a bit. Hope you enjoy!

It's been a week. It's been a week that's felt like a month, yet _nothing_ has changed. If Poe were to pick up my cell phone and read through my text thread with Rey, he would find nothing out of the ordinary. The past week has still been filled with innocuous, short anecdotes, brief check-ups, and the occasional gif that makes me laugh out loud in my Criminal Law course. I had to apologize to my teacher and tuck my phone away.

It's hard to blame myself, though. I've been a bit of a mess since that night. I can't stop thinking about her. My fingertips still tingle with the memory of her soft skin. Food tastes wrong because I just want the taste of _her_ again. I've had an erection more often than is ideal, and in situations I'd rather not have to uncomfortably hide my arousal. But I can't stop thinking about her.

While it's fairly easy to maintain a cool head via text, It's a miracle no one has noticed a change in person. A few days ago we were both over at Poe's watching some playoff basketball. He'd invited a big group of people, and I was a nervous wreck about seeing Rey for the first time since we'd said goodbye last Friday night. But once I got to the party, it was easier than expected to fall into an easy conversation with her, joking as Poe jumped in and out of our discussion on the state of the League. Apparently, a lifetime of being best friends provided an easy state to fall back into despite the whirlwind in my chest and head.

I saw it a couple of times, though. That look across the room as I chatted with Snap. That look that said something I couldn't discern. If she was in as much turmoil as me, she was doing an incredible job of hiding it. Then again, I was hiding it, too, so I couldn't exactly make any judgments of her behavior.

I found myself staring at her multiple times that night. She caught me a few times as I caught her a pair of times. The energy was real and frightening, and though our other friends hadn't seemed to notice it, I couldn't ignore it.

Sleep wouldn't come that night. Seeing her again had done a number on me, and I was forced to rub one out because at some point, a guy's got to get some shut eye and there was a hard problem keeping me from my sleep. I tried not to think about her as the pleasure mounted. But I couldn't _not_ hear her moans, her scream. I couldn't _not_ see her beautiful face behind my closed eyelids.

And later, after I was relaxed and feeling much better, I couldn't _not_ send her a text. I needed to know.

_We still on for our weekly Netflix on Friday?_

Her reply was immediate despite the late hour and succinct despite the weight of the question.

_Yes._

I tried not to read into that. But the next two days were fairly brutal, waiting for today. My studies have suffered this week. My body has been in this strange, constant state of near arousal and frustration. And my emotions are about as reliable as Loki.

So I am understandably anxious when there's a knock on my door on Friday night. I open the door and freeze. Rey's dressed in some tight pants and a thin tank top. It's nothing out of the ordinary for her, especially on a night where we plan to just curl up and watch some TV. But tonight, it's far too easy for me to just focus on the shape of her legs and backside, the skin at her low neckline, and her eyes boring in to me—

"Sorry, come in," I say hurriedly, feeling my face flush as she caught me...what, leering? Was I leering?

I step aside, and she steps in toward my small apartment. It's an open floor plan—which in this case essentially means I live in one fairly small room that includes my kitchen, dining, and sitting area, with my bedroom and bathroom being the only separated rooms. Rey steps forward, and while my eyes fall to her backside, so delightfully presented by her tight, worn jeans, Rey focuses on the couch. She stares at it long enough for me to stop checking her out and start growing concerned about what's going through her mind.

When she turns around, her eyes are fire.

"We need to talk about what happened."

I feel myself nod, terrified of this conversation but oddly numb and accepting from the look of hunger in her gaze. "It was nice."

"It was really nice," Rey agrees, and steps forward. "It was the best sex I've ever had."

I step forward, too, and the temperature in the room is suddenly far too high. Did my air conditioner break again? I'll have to get it checked out. But, later. Much, much later.

"Me too," I breathe, and I have to lick my lips because when did my mouth get so dry?

Rey suddenly flushes and looks away. "Are you sure? Because...I've been really embarrassed all week."

I reach out and grab her forearm and squeeze it. I can't let her feel anything but good about last week. And there is absolutely nothing _she_ needs to be concerned about. She is the embodiment of a goddess. "Embarrassed? You're perfect, Rey. Why embarrassed?"

She won't meet my eyes. "Fuck, Finn. I asked you to go down on me the first time we even did anything? And it's not like I reciproc—"

"Rey that's not important. I didn't expec—"

She finally looks at me as she cut off my interjection. Her gaze is equal parts dry and panicked. "Of course you didn't expect anything—because only crazy people like me would ask for anything like that."

"Rey, seriously, it's not a pro—" I'm squeezing both of her hands reassuringly now, but she still cuts me off again.

"It's just...I've thought about it so many times, I got caught up in the moment while you were kissing my body, and I just let out my dream scenario and—"

Rey cuts herself off now, and flushes with embarrassment again. I let myself smirk as she forces herself to look at me. "Thought about it a lot, huh?" I needle her. "Dream scenario, eh?"

"Okay, look," she groans, and steps back while glaring at me. "You remember that time you dropped the remote and went looking for it? And it somehow went under the couch, and then you popped your head up after fishing for it, and you were like, 'I found it'?"

I'm still grinning, and I vaguely remember this happened, so I nod. She glares at me again for good measure before continuing. "Well, you popped her head up right between my legs, and your head was, like, inches from...well, me, you know. And I just couldn't think for the rest of that night, and that image stayed with me for a long time and a lot of—"

She cuts herself off yet again and stares up at the ceiling. She lets out a loud groan again, and I can't keep in the laughter. But I don't let her embarrassment linger. I step forward and grab her arms tightly so she can't run away from me. "I've dreamed about doing it to you for a long time, Rey," I tell her softly, and I'm rather impressed with the deep voice that comes out of me. In an instant, her embarrassment is gone and the hunger is back. "And I'd like to do it again right now, if you'll let me."

While she's admitted to liking our activities last week, this is the first mention of repeating it. I can't say I thought the ramifications through, so I'm just a little nervous when she shakes her head.

"No, Finn." My heart stops for a moment before she steps right into my space. I can feel her breath on my face when she speaks. "I've spent the last week with a lot of pent up feelings. I just want you to fuck me right now. Like, now."

I'm hard in an instant, and before I know it, she's leapt into my arms with her legs wrapped around my waist. Our lips are on each other furiously, sloppily. She's scratching my back through my shirt, and I'm squeezing her ass as I stumble through my apartment to my bedroom door.

Zero to sixty in two seconds, she's on her back on my bed, and I'm tearing off my clothes. She does the same, but I'm bare long before she is, so I start ripping off her pants and underwear and then she's there, on my bed, naked and looking up at me. I reach down and stroke myself a few times as she looks on. Her eyes are hooded as she stares at me readying myself, and then I step forward and kneel on the edge of my bed.

"Please," I plead, leaning down between her legs, kissing her on the inside of her knee, but looking up at her eyes.

"Finn, I just want to feel you—"

"Just for a minute," I whisper, and I eye her. She's wet, but not like I want her. It will be so much better with just a little help.

She gives a short nod, and I waste no time bringing by lips to her and sucking.

There's just something so rewarding in getting Rey to writhe under my lips and tongue. To know that I can make her feel like this. She is losing control because of the way I swirl my tongue just right, or when I kiss right there. I can't say her taste is a delicacy or anything, but boy do I want more and more.

But she's grabbing on to my head after a minute, as promised, and pulling me up. "Finn," she manages to say, breathless. And I never want to hear anyone else say my name again, because this is the way it was intended to be spoken. "I need you in me, now."

I don't hesitate, and slide easily inside of her. She is so ready for me, we both gasp as I sink deep into her before leaning forward completely and bringing my lips to hers. I have the sudden urge to tell her how deeply in love with her I am, but the timing's all wrong and I still have no idea what this is that we're doing. We went a week without talking about this, faking our friendship like nothing had changed. The only conclusion I can draw here is that Rey really liked having sex with me and that she didn't want our friendship to change.

Of course, I did the same thing, and I very much wanted our friendship to evolve, so I still can't rule out the possibility of her feeling the same way. Regardless, this was not the time. After all, Rey is pushing me back from our kiss and glaring at me. "Finn, move _please_."

I obey, and it takes but a moment for us to find a quick rhythm. It's rather remarkable to me how easy this is. How _right_. With each thrust, the heat in her eyes deepens. I tuck her hair behind her ear and lean in to kiss her gently. When I pull back, her face is flushed and her eyes are closed. She rolls her hips more aggressively against mine, so I pick my power up to match.

My bed is rocking, and if I was of better mind, I might try to push it off the wall a bit so my neighbors don't have to hear our activities. But I'm not of a sound mind because Rey is so beautiful underneath me, and the way she moans and her body shifts each time I move into her is far too distracting for me to think about my bed and its noise.

Her eyes shoot open when we both feel myself get a slightly different angle, and Rey begs me to do that again. I can't quite match it, so I lean back onto my knees and grip her tightly around the waist. She lifts her knees up, and her feet rest on the back of my calves, and I've never been more turned on in my life.

"You can go harder," she says, but it sounds more like a request than permission. I obey again.

I've always wondered what kind of a lover Rey would be. Last week taught me she was louder than I expected. But she was every bit as sensual and sexy as I thought she'd be.

Right now, though? She is showing me an entirely new side of her. She clearly has some built up frustration throughout this week the way she's begging for more, faster and harder. She's rocking her body into mine. And now I'm hitting that spot I found earlier, and she's letting me hear it with each thrust.

I let myself get caught up in the beauty of it all. I've envisioned her on this bed so many times. Hell, she's slept here before when it was 'too late' for her to go home. I would sleep on the couch, trying to fight off my arousal as I thought of Rey sleeping in _my_ bed. Just a short distance away.

And here she is now, one with me. Connected to me so completely that she doesn't end before I start. We move as one, and I'm more  in sync with her than I've felt with people that I've spent weeks being intimate with. And as I stare down at her, I can't quite believe how beautiful she is, hair splayed behind her head on my pillow, eyes closed, mouth open just enough to make her pulsating moans audible to me and maybe my next door neighbor if he's home. Her body is beautiful, flushed with a sheen of arousal and heat. I release her hip with one of my hands and move it up her body, gently squeezing her breast before cupping her cheek, and then slowly moving my hand back down to her waist.

I know we're both getting close, so I quickly check with her, "Rey, am I good to, you know?"

She peers up at me and nods through her moans of pleasure. She looks like she considers elaborating, but decides instead to close her eyes again and redouble her efforts of meeting my thrusts.

"Good," I grin before lifting her hips up a fraction and adjusting my angle just slightly. I thrust harder than before and pull her to me. Her eyes open wide once more, but they aren't seeing anything, and the look makes my stomach tighten in anticipation.

"Ah!" she exclaims in surprise and then she tightens around me and her body shakes in my hands. The roll of her hips changes pace, and I try to match her as her orgasm brings me to the edge. With a few more thrusts and a beautiful moan from her, I see stars and release inside of her.

"Fuck, Rey!" I say before falling forward onto her and thrust a few more erratic times as I spill into her and she shudders against me.

This is real, and this is Rey, and I can't quite believe how perfect each of our experiences has been together. So very different, yet so incredible.

I'm still inside of her when I turn my head into her neck and mumble, "We have to keep doing this."

She nods quickly and almost desperately. "I would skip Netflix each week to just get on with the more fun part of the evening."

"Maybe we can just bookend Netflix each week?" I ask hopefully, earning me a chuckle from Rey. Of course, after a beat she agrees with me.

"I'll definitely want a round two tonight," her voice is almost timid, and I finally roll off of her to get a good look at her. We lie side by side and turn our heads to just gaze at each other. She grins at me and winks. "This one went a little too fast."

"Hey!" I say, good-naturedly offended. "You're the one who demanded I get straight to the point and set that tempo."

She sighed. "And you still came through. When did you get so good at this?"

I can't help but feel extremely proud, though I have to admit something. "I don't know that I've been bad before...but Rey, this is something else with you."

She smiles brilliantly at me. "It does feel a bit different, doesn't it? Like we've got this...I don't know. Connection? Bond?"

I lean forward and kiss her. The act feels eerily intimate considering our refractory state. She returns the kiss, though, and when I pull back she looks at me expectantly. I grab her hand before nodding at her. "Yeah. Bond. I like that. We have been best friends for almost a decade, after all."

It seems like the perfect time to say more. That maybe best friends plus sex should just equal romantic relationship. But I'm either scared or just can't bring myself to worry about the difference between friends who fuck and a significant other. Not when I'm this happy, laying in bed next to the girl of my dreams. So instead, I find her hand and grasp it in mine. We just lie together for a while. She runs her free hand along my arm, I brush her cheek with my fingers. She's so beautiful, and these moments are so perfect. She turns her head to catch my palms with her lips.

"And you know what?" Rey says timidly, after we carry on like this for a while. I'm almost startled by her voice because the silence had been so serene. "We don't have to wait for Netflix night either. Right?"

I grin. "Of course not. We certainly didn't tonight."

She smiles back at me and her hand moves from my arm to my chest. I glance down at her hand as I start to stir once more from her touch. When my eyes meet hers, she's smoldering again. I don't worry about waiting for Netflix to roll back over and begin kissing Rey's neck. This is new and exciting and everything I ever thought it would be. And I want it now. By the sounds of Rey's breathing, she does too. Netflix can always come after round two. And hell, who says we can't go again after that?

 

The next few weeks are a dream. We can't stay away from each other or off one another. And while part of it is the mind-blowing sex that somehow keeps getting better, it's also just who we are. I'm a little surprised at how little has changed between us. We still have dinner and study sessions together. The only real difference is that after we finish cleaning the dishes from our shared dinner, she wraps her drying towel around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. I proceed to eat her out on the kitchen table and she gives me a hell of a hand job before we set our books on the table and set about our studies. And if that gets interrupted after an hour—we catch each other's eyes sometimes and it's just _over_ —so be it.

We still go over to Poe's for poker night. We don't exactly want them to know what's going on, so we behave perfectly appropriate. Until we're sitting side by side at the card table and Rey reaches over and runs her hand up my thigh. I try to keep my face neutral to avoid drawing attention to myself, but I can only take a few moments of her rubbing me through my pants before I announce to Poe and Snap that I have to use the bathroom.

Luckily, Poe and Snap have a pair of bathrooms at their place, so when Rey says she might as well use the stoppage of play to relieve herself as well, it isn't suspicious. A minute later, while I've got her pinned to the bathroom wall, thrusting inside of her, Rey tells me her plan had just been to distract me into playing a bad hand, but that she rather likes this instead. It's the definition of a quickie, but we both return to the table after a few minutes with our best poker faces.

And now, we're over at her place on a Sunday afternoon, which we've found might be our favorite time of the week. There's so much time to do whatever we want. This afternoon is different, however, as Rey's dad is coming over for dinner. Of course, that didn't stop us from taking advantage of the time before his arrival.

"Finn, we have to stop." Her voice lacks all conviction, and I smile as I kiss the left cheek of her backside and work my way up to the small of her back. Her skin is so soft, and she has these adorable little dimples that I can't get enough of. She's lying on her stomach, head turned to look at me. I think she's trying to glare at me, but it's obvious she doesn't _actually_ want to stop me. "My dad's going to be here in less than an hour, and I'd rather _not_ look like I've just finished having my brains fucked out by my best friend."

"Then just let me get you off real quick," I hum between kisses. I'm working my way slowly up her back now with my lips, but I trace my hand up her leg and pause at her thigh. "You only came for me once, Rey. I want more."

Rey rolls over and glares at me for real this time. " _You_ want mo—Finn you are ridiculous!"

I grin at her, and I can tell she's fighting a smile of her own. I resume my hand's trajectory up her leg, but just before I reach her center, Rey's hand catches my wrist and holds me still. "I'm impressed by your restraint," I smile softly up at her.

She doesn't look pleased that she stopped me, but still pulls me by the wrist up to lay next to her. She pulls my hand to her face, and I gently run my thumb along her cheek. We just stare at each other for a minute as the fire leaves her eyes. "After my dad leaves tonight, I'll give you all the time you need."

"I promise to make good use of that time," I nod eagerly, and she rolls out of bed to her bathroom. I watch her every step of the way and force myself not to follow her right to that shower. It wouldn't be the first time. She looks back right before she closes the door, and glares at me for my greedy gaze. And then the door is closed and my view is ruined.

I grin and roll onto my back, bringing my hands behind my head. Every once in a while, I get a brief moment like this. Where I can just reflect in awe at what has happened over the last few weeks. This particular moment doesn't last long and my lips fall into a brief frown.

I'm a little nervous to have Luke over for dinner tonight. He's like a father to me in a lot of ways, and I wonder if I'm going to struggle looking him in the eye while remembering the way Rey rode me this afternoon. I shake my head to try to keep the image from my mind. Not that I don't love the image—I just can't have it floating around when Luke arrives.

A couple hours later, however, I find that the three of us have fallen into an easy companionship that doesn't at all reflect the new dynamic Rey and I have found. Luke and I are carrying on a simple conversation about the latest news cycle—who can even keep up with all the stupid things going on in politics right now—when my eyes drift to Rey, stirring the spaghetti sauce over the stove.

"If someone would just take away his twitter acc—" I hear myself trail off, and I can't help the small smile and complete distraction as I witness Rey blowing the hair out of her face while keeping her focus on the sauce. She repeats the action when her hair shifts right back in front of her face a moment later. "Excuse me," I say to Luke quietly and I move over to the stove.

I reach Rey and with one hand I tuck her hair behind her ear, and with the other I touch her waist as I lean in to whisper, "I'll watch the sauce for a minute. Go put your hair in a bun or three."

She turns her face to me, and we're so close I've forgotten that Luke is nearby. She's got a smile on her face. "Probably a good idea," she whispers, and I can see her wanting to peck me on the lips. She doesn't, and that's when I remember her dad is a few steps away. "Thanks."

She pulls off her apron and hands it to me. Before I can get it around my neck, Luke is at my side. "What's going on, Finn?"

His tone is not conversational, like a man asking how another is doing. No, it's confrontational—albeit soft and kind. I feel myself frown as I secure the apron around my back. "What do you mean?"

Luke rolls his eyes. "I've seen you and Rey interact for almost a decade, Finn. I think I would know if something changed."

I feel my face heat up and I decide to focus on the sauce. Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten so close to Rey? Did I not used to whisper in her ear like that? Touch her waist and press up behind her? It had felt like nothing had changed in our relationship except the sex. Was I so wrong?

Luke is tired of my silence, so he fills it. "Look, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine." I turn to him, rather surprised. His face is kind still, but there's a warning in his eyes. "I trust you and love you like a son, Finn," he explains. Obviously the surprise on my face was evident.

"Thank you, Luke," I say."That means a lot to me." And I mean it. My own family situation hasn't always been great. But Luke has. And it's nice to know I've earned his trust and love over the years.

His eyebrows raise and the warning in his eyes flashes brighter. "That said, you two had better know what you're doing. I know what you mean to Rey, and I'd hate to see that hurt in any way."

And it's as if he's reached into my soul and pulled out my deepest fear. A fear I didn't even know I had anymore—that had been buried deep behind the sensory overload that these last three weeks with Rey had been. Rey chooses this moment to emerge from her bedroom, hair tied up. She is absolutely adorable.

But for the first time in a long time, the attraction I feel for her is not accompanied by a deep urge to take her to bed. Instead, a pit forms in my stomach, and a fear shoots through me.

"Finn, you're going to let it burn!" she says, rushing over to me.

I apologize, and she resumes the sauce stirring duties. Luke looks at me with concern now, perhaps afraid of the effect his words had on me. I manage to smile reassuringly at him.

I think I do a pretty good job the rest of the evening, pretending like everything is fine. Of course, when Rey's foot finds mine under the table and she rubs it gently, I don't return the innocent game. She frowns at me. Luke catches the interaction, I'm sure, but says nothing.

A couple hours later, we are sending him on his way back home. When he hugs me goodbye, he whispers in my ear, "It's okay, Finn. I trust you."

But the words do not have the effect I'm sure he was hoping for. Instead, it only deepens my fears and guilt. After he leaves, Rey turns to me. "So, we've got that time, now," she says, stepping up to me and putting her hands on my chest. "I've been thinking of your promise all night long."

Right. I wanted to give her another orgasm. One wasn't enough for me. Nothing is enough for me, apparently. I'm willing to ruin my most important relationship, to potentially hurt my dearest friend, all for some fleeting pleasure.

"I'm not feeling so well," I say. And even though it's an excuse to leave, it's also very true. "Sorry Rey. I gotta go."

She is very clearly concerned about me and my odd behavior all night, but I don't give her a chance to question me. I bid her a hasty goodbye, and I'm out the door before she can properly react to my quick departure.

The walk home from her place isn't long. So why does is feel like I never arrive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, sometimes it really sucks to write a middle chapter. I tried to keep the angsty portion rather small after some more gratuitous Finnrey smut. Hopefully that makes up for the downer ending. More to come, surely. And yeah, crass and easy pun intended...


	3. Chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what these kids are up to, shall we?

Two days after Luke came over for dinner, I finally have to face the music. Rey has been hounding me with texts and phone calls, demanding she take care of me. Of course, I just used the excuse of sickness for why I was avoiding my best friend. I'm not any good at lying to Rey, though, so she knew something else was going on after just a couple hours of the ruse.

So, eventually I wore down and told her I was starting to feel better. And now I'm at her door, hand frozen in knocking position. Because what's about to happen is going to destroy me.

After reconsidering my plan, re-weighing my options for the four thousandth time, and briefly entertaining the idea of just running away to some far off desert and live out my days as a lonely scavenger, I knock.

Rey opens the door, and my ideals immediately become infinitely more impossible to sustain. She's so beautiful. And that smile. I can't get enough of that big, gorgeous smile. And that smile is for me. I made that happen.

But the smile falters as she leads me into her apartment. "Finn, what's wrong? Are you still not feeling well?"

"Not exactly," I admit, and she leads me over to her couch so she can look me over properly.

She feels my forehead. Her own forehead is wrinkled with concern and she looks so adorable I have to look away. I just want to kiss her, which is the opposite of what I'm here to do. "You don't feel warm," she says softly.

I reach up and take her hand in mind and set them between us. "Rey, we've got to talk."

"Okay," she says tentatively.

"You're my absolute best friend in the world," I say slowly, and Rey's brilliant smile reappears. Inwardly, I sigh, because why does she have to make this so difficult? "And you know I'd do absolutely anything for you, right?"

"Yeah," she responds immediately. "And you know I feel the same way, right?"

I did know she felt that way about me. If only I knew she had _all_ the same feelings as I had for her.

"And I can't lose that, Rey. That's why I'm starting to wonder if we need to stop...ah...the Chill part of Netflix.

Her smile dropped immediately, and the total devastation that swept across her face is a punch to my heart like I'd never expected. A very small part of me was glad to see this idea was devastating to her—it certainly was to me—but mostly I just hated that I was making Rey feel it. That I had put us in this situation.

"Finn, why? " she managed to ask, voice strained. "Did something happen? Did I do something I shou—"

I gripped her hands tightly and tried to keep the warble out of my own voice. "No, no, no, Rey. It's been absolutely incredible. _You_ have been absolutely incredible. But I'm scared _something_ will happen and I can't risk that. I can't risk anything coming between us. Can you?"

"What could happen, Finn?" her voice raised, shaking her head confusedly. "It's been great!"

"What happens when you meet a guy you like, huh?" I ask. And I'm forced to use her as an example, because there's no way in hell I'll meet a girl I'd like over Rey. "And either you don't pursue things with him because you feel guilty about me, or you _do_ pursue things with him and have to deal with me. I don't want to be someone who holds you back or that you have to deal with, Rey. I don't want us to be put in that situation."

Rey stared at me for a long time. Too long of a time, and I saw a deep pain hidden in her eyes despite a stoic face. "So you found someone?" she eventually asked, voice a little weaker than I expected.

"No!" I almost shouted, eyes wide at her misinterpretation of my concerns. "Rey, I just don't want us to have a falling out one day because...well, because you're so beautiful that I can't keep my hands off of you."

She flushed and looked away. "Well, if that not it, then—" she took a sharp breath and glared at me. "Dad."

I sighed, wondering if she'd connect the dots. "He didn't do anything, Rey."

"You were never sick. He said something, didn't he?" She paused and her glare turned angry. She looked over to the dinner table, as if her father was still there from two nights ago. She looked back quickly, eyes wide. "Did he tell you to stop or something?"

I hold up my hands, placating the best I can. "No, Rey. I don't even know how much he knows. He just remarked that things had changed between us—and if he could notice, that means things _have_ changed—"

"Finn, we've been fucking like rabbits for weeks now, of course things have changed!" Rey shouted at me, standing up.

"And that's what I'm afraid of, Rey!" I shout back. "Our old friendship was unbreakable. What is it now?"

This stuns her into reflection, and I take a deep breath before continuing softly. "We've been great, it's been unbelievably fun, we should quit while we're ahead. Before we screw _us_ up."

She's studying me while her breathing normalizes. "I don't like this."

"I hate it," I agree.

"But you think it's necessary?"

I shrug. "Are you _not_ worried about our new arrangement affecting us?"

She took a deep breath. "I wasn't...but I have to admit, I've never felt so hurt by the idea of you finding a girl as I just was."

At her words, my heart beats painfully with too many feelings to understand. And we just stand in silence for a long time. Eventually she breaks it. "So, just like that. We're done?"

And even though I knew this was going to be the result of my visit, the reality of it was distressing. "I guess so," I say. Then I try to lighten the mood. "It's a shame I promised that orgasm and never gave it to you. Not the kind of lover I wanted to be."

She manages a half smile before it drops, and she looks over my shoulder while she bites her bottom lip.

Fuck, she's attractive. Like, just looking at her makes my legs a little unsteady, and my brain is already trying to find a way to undo what has just happened.

Luckily, Rey does it for me. "Maybe we just have one more go, then?"

I raise my eyebrows at her, so she rushes to explain herself. "What's the difference? After today, it's over either way, right? So, maybe we want to end it with a good memory instead of us shouting on my couch."

"One last fuck," I say, stepping forward with a smirk.

She rolls her eyes at me, but she's smiling. And then we're kissing again. And I know this isn't a great idea, but I'm only human. Isn't it admirable enough that I was able to go through with ending things before my friendship with Rey is damaged?

And this time is different than all the others—as varied and great as they were. This one is as slow as we've ever gone. Every move is deliberate. It takes me twenty minutes just to get her clothes off, and I commit removing each article of clothing to memory. The way she lifts her arms to make my removing her shirt easier. The way she smiles at me when I unhook her bra and drop it to the side. The way she rolls her eyes when I tell her how beautiful she is between kisses. The sexy way she turns slightly as she takes off her pants so I can admire the curve of her backside when she bends over.

She yelps as I pick her up and throw her on her couch. It all started on my couch, and now it will finish on hers. I might find it poetic if I would let myself think about it. But I don't. Instead, I go down on her because in all our time together, nothing makes me happier than her moans growing louder and louder as her nails dig into my scalp. I memorize the feel of her legs over my shoulders, clenching against my head whenever I get her close to the edge, only to back off. I memorize the taste of her that I've grown to love so much. I memorize each sound she makes as I flick my tongue over _that_ spot, suck with my lips around her, or nibble lightly with my teeth on the inside of her leg.

And I memorize the string of curses she puts together as I back off for the third time _just_ as she was ready to come undone. She alternates between begging and cursing me out, and I chuckle against her, not letting myself feel the utter despair that this is the last time I get to see Rey's personality come through at its most pure and perfect.

And finally, I take mercy on her, and when she gets close again, I help her finish. Rey is a loud lover—she lets me know how she's feeling. And from the sounds of her moans and even screams this time, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the best orgasm she's ever had. And as she rides it out against my mouth, I allow myself to feel a sick satisfaction that she'll _always_ be comparing sex to this, right now.

"Fucking...fuck, Finn," Rey says, her breathing unsteady. It's not her most coherent or impressive curse, and that makes me appreciate it all the more. I lift my head up and gaze up her beautiful body. I kiss slowly up her body, pausing briefly at her breasts, though I know she's probably not ready for more stimulation right now so I don't linger.

I reach her neck and kiss up her jaw line as I reposition myself to lay next to her. I'm still fully clothed, but her hand runs down my body until it finds my hardened length. I grasp her hand quickly as I catch her in a kiss. "Not yet," I whisper against her lips.

"It's definitely your turn, though," she whispers back.

And there's no rule here. It's not like we can't go at it all night, as long as my stamina can hold up and I can keep coming back for more. But for some reason, it really feels like we've only got the one last time—so I plan on making it last. I move her hand from me, and judging on how she doesn't fight me, Rey is probably thinking the same thing.

So we kiss for a while, and I just revel in her being here. We whisper soft words of awe to each other, though I have to watch my words carefully. It's a short leap from "you are the most incredible person in the galaxy," to "I love you." And I can't help but wonder if her own words mean something more, too.

"You feel so right," she tells me as she rolls on top of me and kisses my neck. Is she just telling me I've got a nice body, or is my presence here with her something more than physical?

She manages to convince me to get my shirt off, regardless, and while her skin against mine does feel like sunlight on a chilly day, I can't help but envision my state of dress like an hourglass—spelling the end of our intimate time together.

But we stay diligent in keeping the rest of my clothes on until Rey is asking me for my hands, and I happily oblige. In fact, the only downside to going down on Rey is that I can't easily watch her face as she comes. So after several more minutes of slow teasing, I get to watch pure pleasure across her beautiful features. I get to kiss her moans before they leave her mouth, feel the shudders through her entire body as she gently rocks against me. Feel the heavy breaths on my shoulder as she finishes crashing down around my fingers. "Finn, I need you in me now," she says, almost sadly.

"Not yet, Rey," I plead. This can't end now.

But she's sitting up now and working at my belt. But she's slow, too. Taking her time, pulling the belt from my waist. Then she runs her hands up my stomach and chest until she's leaning over me. She rolls her hips and I let out a desperate moan of my own. I've been ignoring the pain and discomfort of my erection because I'd rather feel that than never be able to feel anything with Rey again. But as she grinds a second time against me, I know I can't hold out forever.

So I nod at her, and she's back at my waist, unzipping my pants and pulling me free. She has her lips around me in a second, and my head falls back as my nerves light on fire. My whole body is in shock at how good she feels. I manage to run my hands through her hair, but that seems so meaningless when compared to what her own hands are doing, working with her mouth to send me to a place I could never dream of getting on my own.

But this was going to end far too quickly if I let this go on. And as incredible as this feels, I really want to fuck her before it's too late. I tug at her hair, and she releases me with a light smack of her lips. She sits up and pulls my pants off entirely. Then she climbs up my legs and guides me gently to her center. As she slides down on me, I try with all my mind not to think that this is the last time. I try to focus on the moment.

Focus on the way we are connected so perfectly. How tight she feels around me, and the feel of her as she starts to roll her hips. The light bounce in her breasts, and the way they feel in my hands when I reach up to squeeze her. The steadily growing moans, the matching and increasing thrusts, the building pressure in my abdomen, the weight of her as she leans forward on my chest. The perfect synchronized rhythm we find every time. Every time.

I know I'll never have this again. And I don't just mean Rey. I'll never have this level of intimacy. I'll never feel the need to satisfy someone like I have with Rey, and I'll never feel the satisfaction that Rey gives me. For the rest of my life, I'll be chasing perfection. Because I know what it feels like. It's this.

We come together. How common it has become with us; how trained our bodies are to release with the other. And when the stars fade, and the breathing regulates, and the moaning has stopped, she just lays on me, our flesh touching at every possible point. I wrap her up in a hug, and we don't speak for several minutes but for her light whimper when I  soften and slide out of her.

I don't know how long we stay like that. It's a school night, and I've got early class, but once I leave, this is it. And I can't let go. It warms my heart that Rey can't, either. What is going through her head? What is going through mine?

But late in the evening, we separate. We dress in silence, casting furtive glances at each other. I can't help but stare as she pulls on her clothes, and pieces of her body are covered from my eyes forever.

"I'll see you later?" She asks as we walk to her door. She sounds almost in shock. Like how I feel.

"At least on Friday," I say, thinking through my schedule in my head. "Netflix night."

She frowns. "Netflix. Right."

And for the first time since I can remember, we have an awkward goodbye.

 

It's not just the goodbye that ends up being awkward. With each passing day, each passing week, I lose hope that the awkwardness will fade. At first, our encounters were full of fake smiles and distant intimacy. Before we started hooking up, Rey would curl up in my arms while we watched a flick, grab my forearm when telling me a fun story, and peck me on the cheek when she said goodbye. Immediately following our decision to stop having sex, each of those actions were hesitant. And once the hesitation was there, then it felt forced when it did happen. And it wasn't just Rey. I was over thinking everything, too. I no longer just _was_ with Rey.

Over the weeks, the hesitation disappeared. But so did the actions. Netflix night remained as a matter of principle—almost a way of fooling ourselves into thinking nothing had changed. We're still doing that thing that started it all, so that means everything's fine! It's all fine!

It wasn't fine. So I tried other things to distract me from the misery of losing my best friend.

I jumped into school like never before. I'd always been a good student—but spending 100 hours on campus in a week was crazy, even for me. But hey, if I'm distracted from my life falling apart _and_ I'm a month ahead on all my coursework, that's a win-win, right?

It took two weeks for me to spiral into sleepless nights and develop a bit of a drinking problem for a weekend. Poe shook me out of it, giving me a stern talking to about balancing my life and taking it easy at school.

Naturally, my second means of distracting myself was Poe and some of the other guys. That distraction lasted only a week before Poe shook me out of it, giving me a stern talking to about balancing my life and taking it easy on my friends. Namely, Poe.

And now, a month after Rey and I had that incredible and heartbreaking night together, I might have found the perfect distraction. And I need it, because yesterday was Netflix night, and things have never been more strained and ugly with Rey and me. It was like we couldn't talk to each other. Or look at each other. My best friend!

And so I am using Tinder. And there's a girl at my place, and I'll admit I'm aroused. I'll admit she's pretty. And she's talented with her lips on mine, and her wandering hands. And it feels so good to feel like this again. And physically, everything is working, and everything is moving where I hoped it would. And she likes what I'm doing. And it won't be long before our clothes are off.

And why am I stopping her?

Ten minutes later, I've cooled down, and the girl has left, understandably upset and confused. I pull my phone out to call Poe, and ask him for a stern talking to. But I'm surprised to find a text from Rey appear.

_I got that internship I wanted. Up to celebrate with me?_

A smile—a real smile!—comes to my face for the first time in weeks and I eagerly respond.

_Rey, thats great!! I'll be right over_

And I head right over. She opens the door again, and for the briefest of moments, we have forgotten that things are different or awkward. I immediately hug her and spin her around while she laughs. "Rey, congratulations!"

I set her down and she's beaming at me. "You told me I would get it, and I was wrong to doubt you."

I'm grinning and so unbelievably happy right now. And sure, a big part of it is Rey's success. But for the first time in a month I think maybe things can go back to the way they were. I might just have my best friend back. "So where am I taking you to celebrate?" I ask her.

"I just want to stay in, Finn," she says, and she looks away from me. "Just the two of us, like old times."

I freeze, because I'm not entirely sure what 'old times' means. Like, old times where we comfortably watch Netflix together and chat about innocuous things while the credits roll? Or, like old times where I pin you to the wall and you beg me to fuck you 'til you can't walk normal? That was a particularly fun night that I've blocked from my memory because just thinking about it makes me hard.

"Sure, Rey," I respond, instead of asking her which 'old times' she means. It doesn't help that now I've had these thoughts and stepped back from out embrace, I see what she's wearing. Not much. She's likely just showered and threw on some short gym shorts and a thin tank top. A reminder of how fit she is, and a nice view of those long, powerful legs. Legs that have wrapped around me, that have tangled with my own, that have draped over my shoulders. I cough to clear my throat. "It's your celebration."

And that's how we end up on her couch watching Altered Carbon. It's an alright show, I guess, but I'm much more interested in Rey cuddling up to me again. It hasn't been this way for weeks, and I'm a little concerned about what brought on the change. Thrilled, of course. But concerned.

And not only is she turned into my body, head on my chest, but her hand is on my lower thigh. As one of the scenes in the show turns sexual in nature, I feel her hand inching up my leg. It would have been unnoticeable except that I'm hyper-aware of anything Rey is doing right now. Like how, from this angle, her shirt is very open at the neck and letting me see right down her tank top, where I see she's not wearing a standard bra. No...she's wearing something she wants a guy to see.

With everything that's going on, I'm a little aroused by the time her hand reaches high enough on my thigh that she would notice. And I want so desperately for her to notice. I think I sigh with that desperation. And when she turns her head up at me, her look is bottled fire.

I all but tackle her to the couch, pinning her immediately and kiss her almost bruisingly hard. I roll my hips into her as she kisses me back. Her fingernails are digging into my back, and I wish my shirt was off so she would be leaving marks. I want evidence of her on me. I want to feel her everywhere.

So I lean up and pull at my shirt while she does the same. And right before I lean back down, I see her outrageously sexy bra and it makes me halt.

I'm breathing heavy, and I want nothing more than to turn off my brain and just ignore the logical side of my brain. But I can't. "You planned this," I say, a half statement, half accusation.

She's breathing heavily too, and _fuck_ does she look sexy on her back with her chest heaving, looking up at me with unapologetic eyes. "I missed you."

I let out a groan, but can't bring myself to move from my position, straddling her on her couch. "Rey, I thought we decid—"

"No!" she shouted, interrupting me. She leans up on her elbow, and gets real close to my face. I don't back up. "We decided to save our friendship, and that didn't happen! I miss my best friend."

I want to kiss her so badly. "I miss you, too. But what, you think this is the answer? Fuck buddies to the end of time?" I don't think I need to tell her that the whole point of friends with benefits is that there's no commitment. "One day, you're going to move on, and then things will be _really_ different between us, Rey."

Rey's face is flushed, and she won't look me in the eyes. "So what is the answer, Finn? Because I care more about _this_ relationship," she said, motioning between her and me with her hand, "than I ever could about another. I can't lose you. This last month has been hell."

"Yeah," I admit. "It really has."

And then we're silent. Caught at an impasse. But the thing is, I'm still in her lap, and she's still inches from my face. So she just leans forward and pulls me into a kiss, as if I _hadn't_ just stopped us from making a huge mistake. And I'm kissing her back, as if I _don't_ know this was not going to end well.

I suppose she got that internship, and she gets to choose how we celebrate it. Who am I to deny her, her celebration?

And she's pulling me back down to the couch with her. It may not be as urgent as it was just a moment ago, but it doesn't take long for it to get just as heated. Based on her desperate grabs at my hips, pulling them to hers, I bet she's been just as frustrated this past month as I have. She whimpers as I grind against her, my hardened length finding her core. I pull back briefly from our kiss to look at her face, and all possible thought of stopping is incinerated. I can't believe how gorgeous this girl is, and that desperate want in her eyes is for me. I lean back down and capture her lips again and roll my hips slowly, heavily, into hers.

"Fuck me, Finn," she whispers between our kisses. "I need you."

I had missed her like the desert misses rain, but in this moment, I realize I'd been underselling how bad it had been without her. We're tearing at our pants, all thumbs in our urgency—but it doesn't distract from the mood. In fact, both of us are growing more desperate with each failed attempt at a button. With each agonizing second it takes to pull my pants down. I'm so grateful she was just wearing her gym shorts  because they come off so easily.

And now we're both free and I lean forward and position myself at her entrance and brace myself.

I'd forgotten, somehow, just how perfect she was. Her face somehow gets more beautiful when I fill her, all bunched up with a combination of pleasure and discovery. She is so tight around me, I want to scream out with ecstasy. She reaches up and pulls me down so I'm on top of her, and her chin rests on my shoulder. I feel her hurried breaths on my skin as her hands slide up my back and grip me tightly where my shoulders meet my neck. For a moment, we're just still, basking in our complete union. And this is everything. She is everything.

The words just come out of my mouth.

"I love you."

I'm shocked this never happened before—I had thought it so many times while I was inside her, it's frankly a miracle I didn't confess sooner. Maybe it was the month we were apart without actually being apart. Maybe on a subconscious level, I knew that this was the only way our arrangement could have a happy ending. If she felt the same.

No matter the cause, the effect is unchanged. Her whole body seems to stiffen except for her grip on my shoulders, which eases off, so I lift slightly to look in her eyes.

"You...love me?" she asks, voice soft, almost timid. I can't read her face to save my life, so many emotions seem to dance across it.

I briefly entertain the idea of playing it off. I have told her 'I love you' countless times over the years, and it was clear I meant like someone loves their friend. Why should this be different?

But I'm throbbing inside of her, so it is _very_ different. And I'm not going to insult her intelligence by saying otherwise.

"Yes," I breath out.

The silence that follows is probably only a couple of seconds. But time doesn't flow the same when your entire existence hangs in the balance. I didn't realize the phrase 'my life flashed before my eyes' extended to the moment when you tell someone you love them, and don't know their response. But here it is, in the blink of an eye, we're 12 and 11 again, meeting for the first time.

I thought she was cute back then, too, shyly telling me her name was Rey.

We're 14 and 13, and she's upset with me for being a year older than her. Because that means an entire school year where we go to different schools.

We're 15 and 14, and she's wiping a tear from my cheek. She's telling me that I'll always have home with her and Luke. That she's my family.

We're 16 and 15, and she's crying in my arms because her mom is garbage, but she and Luke can't help but let her back into their lives over and over again, only to be crushed over and over again.

We're 18 and 17, and I walk in on her making out with some guy at a party and my world shatters. I never knew what I felt for her until that moment.

We're 19 and 18 and she got accepted to the same school as me, and we're hugging and I'm spinning her around in circles, knowing we wouldn't be separated for another year.

We're 21 and 20, and she's telling me about her first time for some reason, because it wasn't a great experience for her, I guess, and she needs some reassurance. But this is not a conversation I can have, best friend or not.

We're 23 and 22, and we're watching Netflix. And she doesn't quite know what "Netflix and Chill" means.

And the memories stop because Rey is about to make a new one. She kisses me.

It's long and slow, equal parts sweet and passionate, and only stopped by the need to breath. But we do pull back eventually, and I question her with my eyes. Because that kiss was incredible, but it's not an answer.

"I love you, too, Finn," she says, a beautiful smile on her face. "I probably have since we were kids—I just...I didn't realize it until these past couple months."

We're both grinning wildly, and I kiss her through our tightened lips. When I pull back my smile only broadens. "I've known since I walked in on you kissing that one kid at BB's party."

Her eyes grew wide. "High School? Finn why didn't you say something?"

"You were more important to me than my feelings," I admit. "I couldn't let being in love with you get in the way of loving you."

Her eyes softened. "Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Make love to me."

And it's the first time we've used that particular phrase. And don't get me wrong, I will never tire of Rey begging me to fuck her. But it means more somehow, knowing our coupling isn't just a physical feast. No, it's an expression of my love. So, eyes never leaving hers, a gentle smile on my lips, I gently rock inside of her. And she gently rocks against me.

I pepper her face with kisses of adoration. She leans back so I can trail my worshipping lips over her cheek to suck on her ear lobe. I pick up the speed of my thrusts and she matches me as my lips work their way down her neck. My kisses are wet and sloppy now, and she's starting to moan and chant my name.

I angle my hips a little differently, trying to reach that spot I've gotten to know so well. She gasps, and I know I was successful in my search. I can't keep this pace and angle and continue my exploration of her neck anymore, so I lift myself slightly on my elbows to get a good look at her. Her eyelids look heavy, and her breathing is matching our bodies' dance.

And for some time, we just watch each other as the pleasure builds. She's staring at me like I'm some dream. Which is outrageous, because she's the goddess that is somehow in love with me. _I'm_ the guy who shouldn't be here. _I'm_ the one living my dream right now.

Ripples of pleasure are shooting through my entire body. I'm actually growling with each thrust as I feel it pulsing from my head, passing through the scratch marks her nails are leaving on my back, and down my legs to my toes. They curl, ready. Rey's eyes are fluttering, and I'm so blessed to be able to witness this. To witness her.

"I love you, Finn," she manages to gasp out, and I feel her body tensing in anticipation. I increase my pace and power, feeling my own orgasm coming.

"I love you, Rey." Her body shivers, and she clamps around me tightly. It doesn't take five more seconds before I'm following after her, and we're moaning in pleasure together, kissing in between desperate intakes of breath.

She's still clutching at me even after we've both collected ourselves. I only now realize that Netflix has been playing in the background the whole time. We might have to re-watch the episode. But hey, it's chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a fun ride. Pun probably intended? Whatever.
> 
> This was a nice distraction fic for me to write. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
